Friday, June 24, 2005


I've been adding the word rawr in almost all of my e-mails lately. People tend to think it's some kind of acronym, but it's not. It's just a word I picked up that I've been using to indicate 'my general distaste with a situation or thing'. And belive me, there are a lot of things I'm unhappy about these days. I thought this was going to be the best summer of my life. My roommate is in Taiwan and I have the place to myself, school's over (in theory at least...), the project I'm working on at Freescale is really cool and fun, etc. I had so many big plans and dreams for this blessed 3 months of my life, but so far all that I've experienced in pain, frustration, and anger. Why?

Well it started out with the continuous stress of working full-time and going to school part-time from January through May. It got really bad in the last few weeks, but I just kept telling myself to hang on and weather the storm and then life would be good again. Far from it. Shortly after finishing up my term paper, a new "high-priority" project sprung up from work. At the first meeting we were given 4 weeks to do an analysis that would normally take double that time, or more. And then later the next day that 4 week period was shortened to two weeks, and all hell broke loose. It was really tiring and frusterating.

During that time I got an e-mail from my advising professor who said she liked our (my partner and I) term paper and that we should submit it to IISWC (a computer architecture conference). So I thought "Oh wow this is awesome!". So I looked up the submission deadline and it was June 27th, about a month. Now normally this wouldn't be too bad, but we had to basically write this paper from scratch because IBM completely changed the benchmark suite we used and we had to get performance data on multiple different machines. To sum it up in a nutshell, we had less time and more work to do than our original paper (which was a hell of a lot). I even e-mailed my professor and basically said "I don't think I'm going to have time to do this much work. After all I have a job and I'm super busy with it right now". To which she replied "Sorry to hear you're busy, but that's good for you. Learn a lot.". Yeah, thanks.

So basically, I've been putting in between 50 and 60 hours a week into school and work for a few months now and I'm about out of gas. It's not that I'm in a particularly stresseful situation right now (well, except for the fact that the paper is due Monday), it's that I've been exposed to constant stress for so long it's making me feel horrible. It's like everytime I'm successful at something, all it amounts to is more work given to me. I am almost starting to think that I should strive to be an unsuccessful loser at this point. ;_;

Rawr indeed. I'll end my blurb here since I've probably already said too much. But those of you who know me should already know that I'm a very verbose and detailed person. :)


Post a Comment

<< Home