Monday, September 12, 2005

Lacking Motivation

I've been in a slump for a week now and it's starting to get worse. I am lacking motivation to do anything right now. I'm not motivated to study, because grades don't really matter in grad school, and I'm not going to be just some lap dog that cranks out useless research papers every month. I'm not motivated to do work/my thesis, because I worked on it since April and I'm not getting paid to do work for Freescale at the moment. I'm not motivated to translate because I've been placing Allacrost as my priority over it lately, and my favorite series to translate has already been licensed. :( And I'm starting to lose motivation to work on my game as well, just because there's so much work to do and we're missing a couple key players right now to really achieve the next stage.

The past 24 hours or so I've spent vexing over if I'm doing the right things right now that will bring me happiness. From the last several months, I've discovered that success in academia/the workplace does not bring happiness. It only brings me more work to do. What is happiness anyway? What do I have to do to be happy? What should I be doing to make me happy? I just don't know the answer to these things. Okay, I'm going to stop myself here before I start rambling on about nothing. Anyway, if you have any insight or motivational words you can give me, I need all the encouragement I can get right now to get things done!


Anonymous fairy said...

maybe you need a short break to gather your thoughts & to see what you would consider important in your life right now. you've probably spread yourself out so much that you haven't had a chance to enjoy what you've been doing, or what you used to like to do.

if i remember correctly, you mentioned making your own game was a childhood dream of yours. i don't think you want to give that up, do you?

& you're always saying how you're not the type of person to give up because that's just not a good attitude to have. It's admirable how many things you take on (you seem to be doing pretty well at them too!). But, perhaps you took on too much & now you feel burnt out?

if something doesn't make you happy anymore, is it really worth doing?

i wish i could be of more help ^^; sorry! remember, we're always on IRC for you ^_^

what about you seeing a counselor? did you do that yet?

9:32 PM  
Blogger Tyler Olsen said...

Thanks fairy :) I would love to take a break right now, but nothing and nobody will let me! Sometimes I feel the people I work with (especially the ones in real-life and not over the net) forget that I am not their sole workhorse. I have other commitments and I do other things.

I know it sounds crazy for me to say this right now, but I don't want to give things up. In fact, there are increasingly more things that I want to do. I just want freedom from having to commit myself to one thing or another (usually a paying employer) so I can work on the things I want, when I want. Forcing me to do something when I'd rather be doing something else yields no positive results.

I have thought about what you said about doing something if it doesn't make me happy anymore. But all the things I do *do* make me happy, its just I don't like being told what to do by others (one reason why I could never join the military, not that I want to). I haven't seen a counselor yet, but I probably should. In fact, maybe I'll go right after my office hours end and setup an appointment for Friday. :)

12:16 PM  
Anonymous fairy said...

^^; I pretty much guessed you wouldn't give any of it up. & I agree with you, having freedom to do what you want is the best. I also hate being ordered around.

I do want to know what the counselor says. Keep me updated! ^_^

4:07 PM  
Anonymous phil said...

whatever happened to being so pumped up (in a previous post)? Yeah man you need to get pumped. Pump it up pump it up!!!! YEAH!!! I know I'm pumped.

You should go watch some anime to take your mind off things. And maybe this will help too...


9:00 PM  
Blogger Tyler Olsen said...

AWWWW YEAH STRAWBERRY POWER WOOOOOOOOH!!!! Man, how long has it been since I had some strawberry power? I had completely forgotten about it! Well, that makes my day! :D

2:57 PM  
Blogger Tyler Olsen said...

Well I called and made an appointment this morning for next Tuesday at 3PM. I'll post about how things go with that.

9:21 AM  
Anonymous phil said...

ah who needs a counselor when you've got STRAWBERRY POWER!!!!

7:24 PM  

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